Did I scare you guys!! Did you really think Mollie Mail was over??? Silly billies. Never trust a word that comes out of my mouth on April 1st.

Also, my first April Fools in the office!! I went around the office and asked people if they had ever eaten bugs, and then I unveiled this dirt cake with gummy worms. I’m such a jokester!!!

Im crazy, I’m hilarious. I also kept telling people they had something on their shirt, which made me, and only me, laugh very hard. 

I texted a few people “Did you mean to post that on your story??” So they think they posted a nude. Classic.

When I got home that day, there was a big box and I was like Oh my god! I didn’t order anything. Someone must be pranking me! 

 Last year, Devon sent my mom a glitter bomb via mail, so it wouldn’t be too crazy for it to be something similar. I bring the box to my desk (don’t want to open in my room in case it’s messy!) and I thought I should record myself because this is probably going to be silly!!

I cautiously open it to reveal… two self-help books. Yup. The joke? My mental health.

 My mother sent me some Mel Robbins, and it accidentally arrived on April 1st. 

Here is my genuine reaction:

Seems a bit too coincidental. 

Self-explanatory. When it is above 60 F or 15C. London is incredible. Drinking during the day is more cool than sad, my coworkers and I eat lunch outside, and my ghostly-looking legs finally get to see the sunlight.

Cate and I went to Primrose Hill and waited in line for “New York Bagels” from It’s Bagels, which were …. Good…. I mean it was 9.50, they didn’t have a toaster, and the E of the BEC (Bacon, Egg and Cheese) was a sunny side up egg. So not NOT a New York bagel but also not a New York bagel. Then we just sat in the sun and it was fab.

Speaking of bagels: Susana and I went bar-hopping (needed an excuse to practice our accents). We stopped by my flat for a nibble I was drunk and went to slice a bagel but then sliced my finger, and then the knife was falling off the counter, so I, with a master’s degree, tried to catch it, cutting a different finger on the same hand.

Susana, Yaz and I also had a cute interest aesthetic picnic at the Victoria Embankment Gardens and sat by the tulips, which were stunning!!!! A ladybug even landed in Susi’s hair, which added to the magic.

Yup, I am back at my favorite gay crafting event. They couldn’t keep me away. 

We started off with Flower Arrangements. Standard.

Then we made our own tea blends, so British, couldn’t be more British, which involved a lot of sniffing of dried flowers. I also have yet to have any of the tea blends I blended.

Then, we decorated chocolate bar wrappers. I made mine NYC-themed cuz it was right before I left.

.

And then Andi, the host, soon-to-be friend of Mollie, picked a winner…. And you guessed it…This straight woman WON. Equal rights are over.  1st place bitches. And everyone was VERY happy for me. I am a great ally. I won a Cadbury egg, which I shared with everyone because I believe in social justice ❤️ 

This was my first year not at home for Passover seder, and I was Home! Sick!

I didn’t realize how weird it would be not celebrating it with my family. It almost feels like Thanksgiving, but Jewish, with singing, in April and with no flour products. So, nothing like Thanksgiving except the family and eating an obscene amount of food.

I was still determined to be festive.

My mother sent two boxes of matzah and a plush matzah ball, so the stage was set. 

I made some Matzah crack/bark for the office.

I hosted a mini passover seder with some of my favorite people. I cooked a feast. I won’t take full credit for the chicken because it came pre-seasoned from M&S, but I put it in the oven… I would say it was a 50/50 effort. I made cabbage too !! Who knew it was as easy as cutting up a cabbage and putting it in a pot with a stick of butter for like 45 minutes? #cabbagerules #yaycabbage.  And some potatoes. It was actually a very Irish meal. Which is fine with me because I love the Irish. 😉 

So, for those who don’t know, on passover we use this book called the “Haggadah” and it has all the songs and prayers, etc, for the Passover seder. But it’s very #outdated.

Same as last year, it felt wrong to celebrate the Jews freedom from bondage when the Palestinian people are being persecuted (Ya’ll thought I was going to talk about Passover and not get political? Get fucking real)

This year, I was thinking about the part of the Passover story when the Jewish people didn’t have enough time to make bread when they were escaping. It felt very parallel to the Flour Massacre, when Palestinians were killed getting food from an aid truck.

So, needless to say, I made a modern, decolonised, anti-zionist and iconic Haggadah. Honestly, pretty proud of it. 

I also had a very decolonised Seder Plate! Including Watermelon and Olives for Palestine, and an orange for our LGBTQIA friends. I tried to get some of the traditional stuff, but who would have thought they don’t sell lamb shank bones and Charoset at Tesco!

We did the (very shortened) service, and I gotta say, I had A. Blast. To be fair, I didn’t realise how helpful it is when other people know the songs and Hebrew, so I am not the only one, BUT Susana, Yaz and Rory all stepped up to the (seder) plate, reading sections and attempting to sing the songs. I felt incredibly grateful. My chosen family<3 

Ever heard of me being back in New York? 

I put an automatic reply on my work email, made a to-do list for Emily and peaced tf out. 

The trip FLEW by. Really went by so fast. Usually, I am in NY for at least 2 weeks, so this was a very condensed trip. 

My dad got a foster dog named Mr.Parker, who was ADORABLE. We had a spiritual connection, and he slept in bed with me every night I was in Manhattan.

Of course, spending time with Mr.Parker and being home for the first time since Sherlock passed, I was also sad. I was not prepared for the house to be so quiet. Being able to leave food out or the space where his bowl used to be now empty feels wrong. I specifically, very much so, did not like seeing the box with his ashes. It freaks me out. Do not cremate me. Turn me into a tree. Thank you. 

Anyway, Mr.Parker really was a fun highlight of the trip. He also got adopted (!!!) afterI left by a couple who I SWEAR, I feel in my bones, that I matched with the boyfriend on Hinge like 2 years ago. 

I spent time with my favorite person, Nana, which included her feeling my belly for “the baby to kick”. This is what happens when a 98-year-old woman with dementia watches Bridget Jones’ Baby.

I couldn’t sleep one night and went downstairs, and there she was. Just doing a sticker book and 2am. God love her. 

Of course, I got to spend time with the whole family!!

We went on walks and played card games. Val even brought us to her personal training session, where a 21-year-old girl tried to convince my mother to do pushups and where Devon showed off that he, in fact, could do pushups.

Got to see my best friend, miss dr.nivi, who remains the coolest person I know. We tried a new coffee shop in our town where Nivi got a matcha with Beet (???) cold foam and then we got some Sush.

On my last night, we took a long walk around our (now old) neighbourhood and reminisced. Stood outside the houses of old friends and frienemies. I may or may not have peed in a bush. Wouldn’t you like to know?….perverts.

Nivi plz come visit me again thx. 

I also met up with Katie.

She is going to hate me for posting this pic, but it’s cute!!
We went to my favorite cafe, le phin and took a long walk around the East Village.

I got to see my favorite flowers in real life, which was very special to me.

And no big fucking deal but I am kind of a rebel. Yeah, im a wild child. I got another ear piercing. Bad girl alert.  Yeah, my dad, brother and Mr.Parker accompanied me, but that makes it more rock and roll. 

In all seriousness. 

My frontal lobe is developed. How do I know? At 19, I took a sewing pin put a lighter to it and pierced my own ear.

Proof:

At 25? Absolutely fucking not. I do not trust myself like that anymore. The prefrontal cortex is all there and accounted for. 

Erica Rothman got MARRIED (in the eyes of the New York courts and our jewish god). My cousin, Erica, already had one wedding in India, where her now HUSBAND is from. Which I MISSED and was sad about because it seemed amazing. But lucky, lucky me, I got to attend the wedding in New York,

Festivities began Friday night, where my outfit served Jessica Rabbit realness. I obviously looked hot as hell. So photoshoot ensued.

The rehearsal dinner was at a French restaurant, Bar Bete, in Brooklyn, cuz they’re cool like that. 

There was an open bar, which is a risky game. A game I had every intention of playing. Gin martinis are a danger to society, meaning; when I drink them, I am a danger to society. Dev and I dranky dranky and caught up with family. Probably overshared more than we should (martini mouth).

Dev and I also interrogated Erica and Arjun on the prevalence of single men at the wedding, to which the prevalence was zero. It’s okay<3 I still love them<3 One of my relatives did mention setting me up with a cousin’s cousin’s husband’s nephew, which seems….. Not incest, I think? The food was also a major win. I love a dip! If I ran for parliament, I would run on a platform of more dips and sauces. 

After the dinner, we met up with Devon’s friend Julie. At this point, it felt like my shoes were declaring war on my feet, and alcohol was not numbing the pain. Yeah, I took off my shoes, what about it? I trust there is definitely nothing dangerous that could possibly impale me on the streets and sidewalks of New York City. 

I would like to apologize to Julie because by the time we saw her (not even 11pm), I was done for. So Devon took me and my bare feet home. 

At home, I demanded Drew make me ramen noodles (thanks dad) to which Mr.Parker and I ate before passing tf out.  

The following day, I took my hungover ass back to the increasingly more gentrified streets of Williamsburg for brunch with Ex-Flatmate Bella. Big wins.

That night was The Wedding. 

I obviously looked hot as hell. Again. So photoshoot ensued. Again.

Devon made us take the Subway and not Uber because he finds joy in my suffering. At this point, a NASTY blister had formed and subsequently popped on my pinky toe and wearing the heels felt like a form of military torture.  So the 7-minute walk from the subway to the venue took around 25 minutes because I was in so much pain. 

TW: Photo of my blister ahead

The Wedding was at the Harvard club because they are smarties who met at Harvard. Intelligence runs in the family. For everyone's information, here is part of the dress code for the Harvard Club:

Erica looked absolutely radiant, of course. The wedding was gorgeous and had just the right amount of nerdiness. There was mention of spreadsheets in the ceremony ;).

I, of course, sobbed. I love weddings!!!! I am a very sensitive young woman, and I love love and there was so much LOVE in the room. 

The cocktail hour was fantastic. It was a very global array. We had bao buns, Spanish croquettas, mac and cheese, caviar (hello!),  charcuterie, sticks of beef and more. I was stuffing my face. My feet were also screaming, so I took the two pairs of socks I had put in my bag and put them both on, over each other. Really took my look from 10 to 6. Spent the rest of the evening in socks. 

As one of the few Jewish people at the wedding, wild I know, my relatives and I were in charge of the hora. Which is a Jewish dance we do at celebrations, which involves holding hands and dancing in a circle and going in and out, then we do-si-do and lift the bride/groom up in a chair. So when the hora song came on, the Kerrs/Rolniks/Rothmans/Silvermans took control and showed these goys how to hora. I forgot how much fucking fun the hora is. Bring the Hora to the club.  I don’t have a photo of the hora from the wedding, but here is my bat mitzvah:

We were at table 11 with the other cousins. Who, turns out, are obviously big Mollie Mail readers!!! I love to meet my fans<3 it’s so humbling. You guys keep me going!!! Seriously though. Love y’all. 

Because it was the Harvard Club, there were a lot of portraits of famous Harvard grads all over the walls (Nivi is next up there) and we had George W. Bush looking over us at table 11. Kind of crazy…. Cuz you know…. Do I have to say it? 9/11. I mean…coincidence??

Val, Mark, Devon and I were the FIRST on the dance floor. Gotta show these people how to get down with it. And boy, did we. The reception was a grand time playing Bollywood hits along with American hits like Yeah! By Usher and Superbass by Niki Minaj. I personally was very pleased with the Taylor Swift that played. You know, we had a fun time dancing because Devon sweated enough to fill a pint glass. 

Post-ear piercing I went back to Matchaful, where I used to work. Bought a 10$ drink, and saw Ariana Madix’s new boyfriend.