Hej Danmark!!

Yazmin and I ventured to the land of overpriced bread, healthcare, and people who enjoy monarchy.

Yaz is incredibly lucky because I am an insane person who will plan our trip by the hour in detail. And sweetie, that’s called being diagnosed with OCD at age 17 and having control issues 💅 

Upon arrival, we were met with beautiful Danish culture- 7/11 and Dunkin Donuts ❤️ 

We went to various monarch-related places. Christianborg Palace was GORGEOUS; it was a very Regency-Bridgerton-era castle. We had to wear blue slip-on shoe things so our ugly modern shoes don’t ruin it. We walked through ballrooms and libraries, and it reinforced my belief that I should have been born into royalty.

Rosenborg Castle was an old king’s vacation house. It wasn’t as nice as Christianborg Palace, but we saw the Danish crown jewels, which were shiny 🤩 . They had actors dressed as the dead king and queen walking around….It was…. terrifying? They did not speak and just stood around and looked in the mirror and pretended to be ghosts, which I absolutely hated.

Then…. tragedy struck. Yaz was poisoned. Little Allergic Baby got cross-contaminated. Yaz had to spend one of the days stuck in the hostel, being sticky and scaring our hostel roommates ☹️ 

While Yaz was on their deathbed, I walked around, lol (don’t worry, I got them Danish Benedryl; I am a good friend). I walked to Freetown Christiania, which is supposedly a place with no laws. BUT I didn’t see a single nudist or man being guillotined (my dream world)…. so was it really a town with no laws? It was still a really gorgeous area with amazing street art but not-so-great matcha. lmao.

I also went to the GANNI outlet store, and I don’t know what I was expecting, but I guess I thought I would be able to afford some of it. Sweetie, when you see me pay 5000 DKK, aka like 700$ on a dress, just know I am either terminally ill or I finally found the one (rich) ❤️ 

On our final day, we went to Tivoli Gardens, which was Walt disney’s inspo. Their mascot was some type of monkey bear with its nipples out. Love that for her!!

All in all, I loved eating my way through Copenhagen's salty, sugary food, and the colorful, symmetrical houses were very cute!

I am scared.

Have you ever seen a British man watch England score in a football (soccer 🇺🇸 ) game? It is literally equivalent to a Disney adult seeing Mickey Mouse, but also, they are drunk and violent.

As your local bar maiden, I was lucky enough 🙂 to work 🙂 the Euros 🙂 It was exactly as hectic as you would guess, and people were just as rude. I think every female bartender should be allowed 8 punches a month. ☮️ ❤️ 

England made it to the finals, which was exciting, but they lost :/. Watching Spain win, I swear I have never seen a group of men so silent. I wish they could stay like that forever 🫶. Afterwards I watched two men get into a physical altercation and one of them took! off! his! belt! to use as a weapon. Feeling really immersed in the culture.

I did however, like when everyone sang 🎶 ITS COMING HOME FOOTBALL’S COMING HOME ITS COMINNGGGGG HOME 🎶. It reminds me of being in a sorority.

Also, I am an incredible bartender and now use the words “lager” and “single or double?” more than I ever have in my entire life!

Susana gets a special section this month. Not only is she abandoning me for Michigan in the fall (That's right—Michigan…… like bffr), but she and I also got up to a lot of fun things this month.

We went swimming in Hamstead Heath!!

I know Mr.Styles was probably in the men’s only pond, but we went to the mixed bathing pond. I am trying to play hard to get duh.

The gorgeous brown murky water was calling our name on the relatively warmer than usual but not hot day.

Susana brought goggles, which made little to no sense because, as I stated above, the water was brown and murky. Imagine closing your eyes, and instead of black, you see brown. That’s what it was like dunking your head in Hamstead Heath.

When the first people jumped in, they said, “It’s so nice!” “It’s so refreshing!”

Okay, I thought, those people don’t seem to be too cold. So I jump on in. Let me tell you. It was cold. And boy oh boy did I tell everyone. I screammmmmmeeeedd. I let the whole pond know about what parts of my body were freezing off. Susana can attest that it was indeed very cold!!!!!! When the next man jumped in he had the audacity to say to me “it’s not as bad as you made it sound.”

Okay, go fuck yourself??

Anyway, we swam around, which somehow made us out very of breath. We rewarded ourselves with delicious gelato and kebabs 🙂 

Before our next adventure, Susana had to go and get into a bike accident, and I kept her company at the hospital. Way to make it all about you…. Jk!! I am happy you didn’t die! She got a tetanus shot and will be fine because the day after, we went to…..

Kent, England!!! and the Belfour Vinyard!!

We strolled through orchards and vineyards and looked at very unripe grapes. We ordered a £35 charcuterie board, which we ate as much as we possibly could, including the little green decorative herbs, of because I mean… £35?? Come on.  

Susí and I then got absolutely shit-face drunk at a wine masterclass where we discussed the tasting notes and flavor palette of various white, rosé, and sparkling wines. Will be adding professional sommelier to my CV 😘 

I did, in fact, pass out on the train home.

Anyway, we had other fun adventures, but those were the big ones. I am gonna miss her a lot and will inject a tracking device into her skin and follow her. ❤️ 

What has my July mainly been? A lotttt of typing. A lottttt of reading about torture. and A lottttt of debating dropping out and moving to rural Ireland to start a cheese farm.

My dissertation is due in about three weeks, and it is making me nauseous, nervous, scared, unhappy, and any other similar synonym you can think of.

I have many long nights and energy drinks ahead of me, so I can write 10,000 really good words—words like "contingent” or “unequivocally” or any other smart word. 

Hallo Amsterdam!

Y’all, I love myself an evening flight. I had the whole day to pack before flying to the Netherlands.

Yaz and I once again packed up our easyjet-compatible bags and went to the land of cannabis, canals, and homicidal bicycles.

The first morning, we got classic Dutch pancakes, which were essentially thicker crepes. They were… fine.

We then went to the Jewish Quarter, where we went on an Anne Frank tour! We learned about her and Jewish life in the Netherlands. I loved it!! I felt like the Christian tour guide was kind of schooling me on Jewish knowledge. She was also mildly disappointed that I didn’t have a more interesting story about my family immigrating to America. Sorry, we were part of the WWI Jew immigration.

We went to memorials and saw synagogues. It was a very educational experience.

That night, we saw an LGBTQIA+ storytelling show that we had to walk an hour outside the city center to get to. At one point, we were legitimately walking along the highway. At the theatre, they sold classic bar food like tortilla chips and soup—lots and lots of soup.

 Yaz cried when an older transwoman named Emma told an emotional story about her daughter, who helped Emma remember herself after a stroke. I cried… laughing when a gay man from L.A told a story about how he pooped his pants and then proceeded to have a threesome with the old football quarterback, Trevor, and Trevor’s girlfriend at his 10-year high school, and before the 20-year high school reunion, the TREVOR DIED. It was really funny to me but I guess you had to be there.

We went to a sex club during their off hours to get a tour and talk to a sex worker. We toured the private rooms, which were each equipped with lube, condoms, a bathtub, and a panic button. I was not as good at using the pole as I really thought I would be. Practice makes perfect.

We went to the Rijksmuseum, Moco Museum and Museum of the Canals. Shout out to Rory for suggesting the Museum of the Canals. We loved it.

One night, we got very tipsy on a canal boat cruise that had Dutch cheese and unlimited wine. We watched a woman from New York encourage two people to kiss, to which one of them told her that they were, in fact, siblings.

I ate stroopwafels which was a mouth orgasm. And lots of french fries and pancakes, which were not as orgasmic but still thrilling.

It was such an amazing and fun trip, and somehow, after traveling to two different countries together, Yaz and I are still friends!!!

This was so tough. I had lots of good Matcha in Copenhagen. It was delicious and expensive.

I am gonna shout out Cloud in Amsterdam because it was very yummy and we got this cute lil photo collage.