This month started strong 💪 by getting stuck in an elevator.

This seemed very notable because most of my days spent in the library were boringly boring.

Maura, Emily, a random girl and I were going up the library elevator when it got stuck in between floors.

Thank God we just got matcha. I didn’t have to pee, so I felt safe for now.

We pressed the emergency button, but the man on the other end had difficulty hearing us, so thank god we had my booming, theatrically trained voice to scream, “WE ARE STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR. WE NEED HELP”

The other girl in the elevator was not interested in interacting with us, which was unfortunate for her because I was being incredibly entertaining.

Did I start knocking on the glass windows of the elevator? Yes, yes, I did.

A library worker, Albert <3, took my knocking as a sign of distress; to be fair, it probably looked like that. He gave very calming signals and told us to take breaths and that everything would be okay. What a gem 🫶 

20 minutes later, the elevator man came running up the horribly designed LSE staircase (I can’t emphasize this enough: whoever the architect designed the sadistic stairs in the library is going to hell)

He somehow was able to move the elevator enough for us to jump out.

I do think we deserve some type of reparations for the stress caused, but LSE is too busy giving its money to funding genocide…

Well, it happened.

Dozens of hours, matchas, boxes of spaghetti, and hand cramps later. I finished my master’s degree at 3:00am on August 15th.

With 9,877 words and 95 (NINETY-FIVE!!!!) distinct cited sources, “Masculinity, Femininity, and Torture: a Gendered Examination of Abu Ghraib” by yours truly was finally finished.

I would like to take a moment to thank the ones who truly made this dream a reality… Google Scholar, ChatGBT, and Grammarly. Thank god technology exists, and I am a sucker for it.

🍺 To celebrate, some other LSE folk and I went to Netil360 rooftop bar to drink our education away. Slay🍸️ 

Many were interested in reading it, but until I get a grade, I will keep all 36 pages to myself.

But I will share my ✨ Final Remarks ✨ in the piece;

The scholarly work on Abu Ghraib and its surrounding topics is vast and profound yet reveals only the surface of a deeper, more troubling reality. Sexual violence during wartime is a systematic and pervasive threat, extending far beyond the walls of Abu Ghraib and cutting across national borders and military institutions. While writing this piece, one of my biggest challenges was restraining myself from expanding further; each section and subsection demanded a detailed exploration of thousands of words. The deeper one goes, the more one simply scratches the surface. I hope to have contributed in any way.

Undoubtedly, sexual violence during wartime will remain a widespread issue that needs to be addressed. It is imperative to hold militarized institutions and their personnel accountable for acts of wartime sexual violence, which is not just a matter of legal and ethical duty but a fundamental human rights issue. At the same time, it is crucial to recognize how gender roles, patriarchal attitudes, homophobia, and misogyny can inform the study of sexual violence across diverse settings, from college dorms to battlefields. By confronting these issues, we take a significant step toward fostering a world where human rights are upheld and gender equality is promoted. The fight against sexual violence and its underlying causes is not confined to any single place or time; it is a global challenge that demands our collective effort and unwavering commitment.

Everyone, please say hello to all my fellow tavern folk who are now subscribed to this newsletter.

To my coworkers…this is a privilege, and you should feel honored and take your place seriously.

Okay!

So what’s been happening at the pub?

Hmmmm….. we had some drunk, angry men make me cry a couple of times and an old woman throwing up in the bin behind the bar. I poured lots of tequila shots and refused to change any keg.

I hung up the sign below.

Everyone is very jealous of how hot, smart, and funny I am, and it caused a lot of contention. It’s okay, guys<3

Despite having my full name, phone number, and email visible, no one has wanted to contact me….weird.

I’ve learned some important lessons: men’s frontal lobes will never develop no matter their age, don’t put soda in a cocktail shaker, or it will explode, and don’t let anyone shame your music choices because they have no taste.

Last week, our usual pub quiz master was away doing something British, I guess, and so the staff made their own!! The show must go on!!!

Chander hosted it mostly (Chander, are you reading this newsletter???? if you are… sorry about your frontal lobe… not sorry about the music taste thing ☹️ ). I popped into the pop culture section, which I thought was amazing. I really tried to bond with the audience, but apparently, the British aren't fans of crowd work or loud Jewish women from New York.

At the end, some old b************** said, “That was a bit of a mess, wasn’t it?” and I said, “Oh well, our normal guy isn’t here….” and this woman said, “Yeah, don’t do that again.”

Okay, girl?????? Next time you make a pub quiz, be sure to invite me and I will give me some harsh feedback.

Bitch

Here are some of the questions we asked…. Answers at the end!

1. What nepo baby was recently seen on a date with the Irish celebrity who starred in Normal People? (bonus points if you can name the famous parent)

2. What love island couple recently shook the world by breaking up after 5 years of being together?

3. How many times has J-Lo been engaged

Also, fellow bar maiden Betty keeps me sane and entertained during shifts. She’s also my ultimate gossip partner. This is her shout-out. Betty, this is your shout-out.

Besides getting a mouthguard because I’m grinding my teeth so much and my hair falling out, getting a new flat has been one big bundle of fun.

It’s been a real journey. Once, I had a flat-viewing arranged and confirmed, AND after traveling an hour to Fulham and ringing this girl’s doorbell, Miss Girl said she was not home. I was BEYOND pissed.

After a lot of flat viewings that were eerily similar to first dates… I found a place! It is where I am writing this from RIGHT NOW!!!

I had to move out of my old flat in Kentish Town and into my new sublet in Kentish Town for 10 days. Nothing to report there except the bedroom had double doors which made me feel rich.

I had to rent a storage unit and moving trucks (for my TWO moving days). It was the definition of a hassle. More hair falling out. More teeth grinding.

Eventually, I made my way down to Bermondsey town.

What WAS a leather market in the 1890s is NOW home to me and my arts and crafts supplies.

How will I fit all my clothing into a room that is essentially 12 ft x 12 ft? This is not a rhetorical question. Please help. Leave a comment below.

I'm also looking for an electrician to fix the light in the bathroom, which could be described as a nightmare for anyone with epilepsy. Someone please call an electrician. Please.

This was a tough choice this month!!

How Matcha in Marylebone rebranded and Emily and I attended. was stellar, so that deserves recognition. Even more important is they didn’t use paper straws. Praise be 🙏 

I want to be a yummy mummy in Marylebone fr.

Rory and I went to Konveni Matcha in Hammersmith. She got a sweet one, and honestly, I was a bit jealous; her's was a really yummy treat. Mine was more traditional 💅 AND they also gave you a choice of Matcha powder. Real, recognizes real.